Coach Tuberville: Weak On Defense

Senator Tuberville plays political football with the U.S. Armed Forces

U.S. Senator Thomas Hawley “Tommy” Tuberville (R-AL), a retired football coach, is running an awkward play with Armed Forces appointments and promotions. He has put a hold on any on them until the Department of Defense changes a healthcare policy, one which pays servicewomen for out-of-state transportation if they need reproductive health services not offered in the states where they are posted. It doesn’t cover the actual medical services, just travel, But Senator Tuberville claims this supports abortions, and he’s agin that.

Tommy Tuberville is an expert on defense, having played two years as a free safety for the Southern State College Muleriders. He is equally qualified on the subject of women’s health, earning a B.S. in physical education from SSC in 1976.

The senator has put over 300 senior military promotions on hold. A member of the Armed Services Subcommittee on Readiness and Management Support, he claims his holds have no effect on the nation’s military readiness. Others disagree.

So Tommy Tuberville must have written a bill to change the Pentagon travel policy, right? Wrong. He wants Democrats to do that for him. After all, Coach T. is retired. The Alabama senator doesn’t even live in Alabama anymore. He sold up and moved to Florida.

More:

“Tuberville’s hold on military promotions would take hundreds of hours to process individually, memo says,” Natasha Bertrand, CNN

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Image: Tommy Tuberville, official U.S. Senate portrait.

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College Football: The ACC Flunks Geography

College football’s Atlantic Coast Conference now includes California’s Stanford and UC Berkeley and Southern Methodist University, located near Dallas, Texas. The name no longer matches the territory. Then again, “college sports” isn’t really an acurate description for a bunch of young, professional but unpaid athletes, either. Not anymore.

Given the thousands of cross-country miles and hundreds of hours the players will now have to travel, any pretense of “scholar athletes” has gone out like the Atlantic low tide. The ACC, like the Big Ten and SEC, is just another TV sports franchise.

More:

“ACC expands to the Pacific with Stanford, Cal and SMU,” Jacob Knutson, Axios

“Analysis: Conference realignment has mangled the college sports map, but to what benefit?” Ralph Russo, Associated Press

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Graphic by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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DC NFL Team: The Long Era of Snyder Shame Is Over

The Washington Commanders NFL team has finally been sold to an ownership group that includes Chevy Chase-born investor Josh Harris and sports icon Magic Johnson. Dan Snyder, former owner of DC’s allegedly-professional football team, long regarded as pro football’s most-hated and worst owner, held onto the team for 24 losing years. He stubbornly retained the team’s former racist name until well into the 21st century, meddled in team coaching, and fiddling with the books and female employees. The last became a subject of congressional investigation.

NFL owners unanimously approved the sale at a meeting last Thursday. It was an easy decision for them, especially since they learned that Mr. Snyder had gathered dirt on his fellow team owners and the league commissioner in an effort to blackmail them into letting him keep ownership of the Commanders in the face of his scandals.

Dan Snyder got over $6 billion for the team. On his way out the door, he paid a $60 million fine to the NFL for mishandling funds, employee sexual harrassment, and impeding the league’s investigation. That’s a slap on the wrist, since he will probably pay 10 times that in capital gains tax, having originally bought the team for $800 million in 1999.

More:

“Josh Harris Paid $6 Billion for the Easiest Job in the World: Not Being Dan Snyder,” Kevin Clark, The Ringer

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Why do taxpayers pay billions for football stadiums?

Over $7 billion in public money has financed construction and renovation of NFL football stadiums. Billionaire owners claim public investment in their private football franchises will bring an economic boom to local economies. It doesn’t. Stadiums and their upkeep wind up costing cities millions of dollars. As long as city residents crave hometown teams to worship, taxpayers are going to keep footing the bill.

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Dan Snyder Gets Down In the Dirt

Dan Snyder, owner of DC’s allegedly-professional football team, is gathering dirt on his fellow NFL team owners and the league commissioner, says ESPN. Mr. Synder, long regarded as pro football’s worst owner, stubbornly retained the team’s former racist name until well into the 21st century, meddled in team coaching, and was rumored to fiddle with the books and female employees. The last became subjects of congressional investigation. He seems to have gathered dirt on other team owners and Commissioner Roger Goodell to blackmail them into letting him keep ownership of the Commanders.

More:

“Sources: Commanders boss Snyder claims ‘dirt’ on NFL owners, Goodell,” Seth Wickersham, Don Van Natta Jr. and Tisha Thompson, ESPN

“Dan Snyder’s dirt can’t cause NFL more harm than he’s already done,” Nancy Armour, USA Today

“Is this why Daniel Snyder hasn’t been drop-kicked out of the NFL?” Eric Blum and DJ Dunson, Deadspin

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Image (“DC Commanders Uniform”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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DC NFL Team Moving to the French Riviera?

Washington DC’s professional football team fled the District of Columbia back 1997 for a grand-new stadium in suburban Maryland. It’s pretty shabby now, and owner Daniel Snyder has been trying to get a sweetheart deal on a shiny new stadium in Maryland or Virginia, but locals aren’t eager to pony up. He’s now in Cannes, France, for a “business meeting.” Is he looking for a French stadium deal? After all, the Riviera has featured gladitorial sports before, in its ancient Roman amphitheaters.

On the other hand, Mr. Synder refused to testify before a U.S. Congressional committee about alleged financial and sexual irregularities with his team management, and he brought his 305-foot yacht and private jet to Cannes. Several non-extradition countries are only a short hop away across the Mediterranean.

Billionaire Dan Synder, long regarded as pro football’s worst owner, stubbornly retained the team’s former racist name until well into the 21st century, meddled in team coaching, and was long rumored to fiddle with the books and his female employees. There was an NFL investigation of the latter charges, but Mr. Snyder tampered with it, hence the Congressional investigation into his “workplace misconduct.” After the testimony no-show, the House Oversight and Reform Committee will issue a subpoena for Dan Snyder.

More:

“Commanders owner Dan Snyder interfered with NFL probe: House panel,” Emily Crane, NY Post

“Dan Snyder’s plane, yacht arrive in Cannes as attorney pushes back against Congressional committee,” Michael Phillips, Richmond Times-Dispatch

“4 Entirely Plausible Reasons Dan Snyder Is in Cannes Instead of Appearing Before Congress,” Andrew Beaujon, Washingtonian

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Sports: The Big Game

Sunday’s big game. The passion. The rivalry. The tail-wagging.

That’s right, it was the 2022 Puppy Bowl. If you didn’t hear, Team Fluff won. Coaches and commentators were Martha Stewart and (of course) Snoop Dogg.

It’s 2022 in America, so some very, very bad boys tried to offer online betting on the Puppy Bowl. No treats for them.

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Generic DC NFL Team Renamed

DC’s NFL team shed its long-held racist name and adopted a place-holder generic name, Washington Football Team, in July 2020. It announced a new permanent name today, February 2nd, suggesting the team would be called the Washington Groundhogs. Alas, the new name is the Washington Commanders.

It’s not “Commandos,” since NFL players really should wear undies. It could have been Salamanders, since the mediocre team is owned by lizardman Dan Snyder, but no. The new logo seems to be a sort of stenciled W, since the Nats already have the cool curly one. There’s also some sort of goofy crest.

Anyway, football fans in the DC area have seven months, until the start of the 2022 season, to practice saying “How ’bout them ‘Mandos?” Probably while shaking their heads.

More:

“Washington Football Team announces Commanders as new NFL nickname,” Steve Gardner, USA Today

“Like It Or Not, the Washington Commanders Are Officially Here,” Kelyn Soong, Washington City Paper

“Washington Has A New NFL Team Name: The Commanders,” Elliot C. Williams, DCist

“Washington Commanders Is an Appropriately Boring Name,” Benjamin Hart, New York Magazine

“The Commanders name lands ‘with a thud’ for some Washington fans,” Andrew Golden, Washington Post

Updates:

“Experts Aren’t Wowed by New Commanders Branding,” Andrew Beaujon, Washingtonian

“On Capitol Hill, ex-Washington NFL employees levy new harassment claims against Daniel Snyder,” Liz Clarke, Washington Post

“The Best (and Worst) Reactions to the Washington Football Team’s New Name,” Lauren Mccaffrey and Anna Spiegel, Washingtonian

“The Rebrand Is the Least Bad Thing About the Washington Commanders,” Matt Terl, Washington City Paper

Related:

“Washington Commanders investigating sexual harassment allegation against owner,” Chloe Folmar, The Hill

“NFL says it will control investigation into Commanders owner Dan Snyder, not the team,” Jonathan Franklin, NPR News

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Image (“WFT NFL Uniform”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Renaming the Generic DC NFL Team

DC’s NFL team, having shed its long-held racist name and become the generic Washington Football Team, will announce its new name on February 2nd, which suggests the team will be know as the Washington Groundhogs.

Other name candidates include the Commanders, Admirals, Armada, Brigade, Sentinels, Defenders, Red Hogs, Presidents and “Washington Football Team.” If only they could replace Dan Snyder with a generic “Washington Football Team Owner.”

Related:

“Washington Football Team Awaits a New Name, But the Mediocrity Remains,” Matt Terl, Washington City Paper

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Image (“New DC NFL Uniform”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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The Loneliest Job in Soccer

Legendary Arsenal FC goalkeeper Bob Wilson explains why goalies have the loneliest job in soccer. Video by Andre Andreev for The New York Times

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