Americans have long celebrated Independence Day with great speeches presenting  the principles of Democracy and Freedom with clarity and power. This year the nation’s most moving, patriotic, and eloquent Fourth of July Oration was by Alaska’s Governor Sarah Palin:

Now that’s what made our country great.

The offical transcript is here; you’ll want to print these inspiring words on parchment and recite them on Independence Days to come. Especially the part about “only dead fish go with the flow.”

Have a safe and sane 4th of July, and God Bless America.

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In a bold move to fill the void in the news cycle left by Mark Sanford’s sudden attack of laryngitis, Sarah Palin announced her resignation as Alaska’s Governor.

As if we needed more proof  that she does not know the difference between campaigning and governing, Mrs. Palin explained she is quitting five months before the end of her term because she will not seek re-election. Five months is actually twice the length of time it took her to lose the White House for the Republicans last year.

Theories on the real motivation for her resignation abound. Chief contenders:

She will host a new Surreality TV show in the fall and needs time to rehearse

Not having Sarah Palin to kick around anymore will reduce the high audience ratings she brought David Letterman and Saturday Night Live, punishing them

She will start a political communications consulting firm

Preparing to return to her first love, basketball

Five months of leadership by the nonentity she recruited as Lieutenant Governor will make Mrs. Palin’s dismal gubernatorial record look a bit better in comparison

More time to spend with her husband and attorneys, blocking investigations into the dubious funding of the construction of the Palin’s lakeside house

More time to spend with her husband and attorneys, blocking investigation into the dubious funding and construction of the Wasilla Sports Complex

More time to spend with her husband and attorneys, blocking investigation into abuses of power during her brief reign as Alaska’s Governor

 More time to spend with her husband and attorneys, blocking investigation into charges of witness tampering during her brief reign as Alaska’s Governor

More time to spend with her ghostwriters

More time to give chastity pledge training to Willow and Piper

Time to make lucrative personal appearences (Bob Shrum: ““She could make more in two weeks on just speaking fees than in the rest of her time as governor”"). Mrs. Palin could even buy an  executive jet

More time to introduce and promote her personal fashion line, Feminine Fundamentals , and make cosmetics endorsement deals

More to come. 

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Washingtonians: Want to really declare your independence? Start celebrating Independence Day tonight, July 3rd at 9 PM.  Tune your radio toWAMU-FM 88.5 and listen to a special Independence Day edition of American Routes with Ponderosa Stomp, the Del McCoury Band, and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band. It’s not the same old Sousa.

The program features portions of live concerts from New Orleans’ French Quarter. The Ponderosa Stomp is dedicated to the “unsung heroes of rock ‘n’ roll” and their rockabilly, soul, country and R&B classics. Then the Del McCoury Band cooks up hot Bluegrass in Preservation Hall, mother church of hot jazz, along with the resident masters, the Preservation Hall Jazz Band.  Program details here.

Declare your independence from HD radio, too. Tonight’s broadcast is on “real radio,” WAMU-FM’s main frequency, 88.5, not WAMU’s HD2 channel, where show is usually heard in Washington (Saturdays 8 PM-10 PM).  If you  are among the millions in the Washington area without an HD radio, this is a rare chance to hear American Routes on something that sounds better than your laptop.

American Routes, now in its eleventh year, is produced on New Orleans’ Basin Street and distributed nationwide by American Public Media. This award-winning weekly program about America’s many musics blends thematic musical recordings with interviews, documentary features, and informed cultural narrative.Nick Spitzer, host of the American Routes radio program, lived here in Washington while producing his earlier Folk Masters program of live Wolf Trap concerts and interviews.

Nick Spitzer (Photo: American Folklife Center, Library of Congress)

“In the history of American radio, no series has come close to Nick Spitzer’s American Routes in exploring the many streams of this nation’s music.”

– Nat Hentoff, Wall Street Journal

[Full disclosure: Nick and I were at school together and worked at Austin's KUT-FM.]

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South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford had a contract to write a book on economics. After his romantic escapades, the deal is history.

Mr. Sanford, a former financier and real estate broker, is married to a powertool heiress who worked on Wall Street. He was going to write a book called Within Our Means, about fiscal conservatism.

Mr. Sanford’s erstwhile publisher, Sentinel, specializes in conserva-porn, Christian funda-fluff, and 110-percent Americanism. The company is a unit of the British Penguin Group.

Governor: time to trade advisors. Drop Cubby Culbertson and go with Bimky Urban at ICM.  Pen something steamier than fiscal fiction, something about  … Argentina, say. After all, you certainly have a way with passionate prose.

Have Binky get Fabio and your Argentine gal-pal for the cover shoot, and you can write some real fiscal policy of your own.

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 ”I was part of a group called C Street when I was in Washington. It was … a Christian Bible study; some folks that asked of members of Congress hard questions that I think were very, very important. And I’ve been working with them.”

“I see Cubby Culbertson in the back of the room. I would consider him a spiritual giant …. … and an incredibly dear friend. And he has been helping us work through this ….”

– South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, in a Statehouse news conference.

“Sanford … detailed more visits with [Maria Belen] Chapur, including an encounter that he described as a failed attempt at a farewell meeting in New York this past winter, chaperoned by a spiritual adviser ….”

– Tamara Lush and Evan Berland, Associated Press.

From recent remarks and actions by Governor Mark Sanford, you might think his spiritual advisor hails from a galaxy far, far away, but he has several spiritual advisors, all apparently terrestrial. Few are actually clergymen, and none appear to be accredited marriage counselors. This is free-style, free-range, free-market spiritual advising,  and the Invisible Hand needs a good rap on the knuckles.

There are two teams of known Sanford spiritual advisors in our solar system, one in Washington DC, the other in South Carolina’s capital, Columbia.

The Carolina contingent includes founders of an influential evangelical men’s Bible study group:

Warren ”Cubby” Culbertson, described as a local businessman, is son of a former state legislator and small town mayor.

E. C. Burnett, III – Former Justice of the South Carolina State Supreme Court.

W. T. “Tobin” Cassels III  – President of Southeastern Freight Lines, son of company CEO William T. “Bill” Cassels, Jr. and grandson of the big corporation’s founder. Quote: “Jesus is my role model, because there is no one who has ever perfected servant leadership like he has. Leadership is all about taking care of people, helping them to be successful, and to serve their needs.”

R. William “Bill” Metzger, Jr. — Attorney, partner at Robinson, McFadden & Moore, P.C. (practice areas).

William H. (Bill) Short, Jr. — Attorney, Haynsworth Sinkler Boyd, active in the Carolina Chapter of the Turnaround Management Association, South Carolina Law Bankruptcy Association, and South Carolina Ducks Unlimited.

Gary A. Schraibman –  First Vice President – Wealth Management/ Investment Management Specialist / Financial Advisor, Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, Columbia SC.

DeTreville F. “Det” Bowers – Pastor of Christ Church of the Carolinas.

Dr. William H. “Bill” Jones, president of Columbia International University (formerly Columbia Bible College). “ In the spring semester of 2007 … the “physical expression of affection” standard (dating couples may not hold hands or kiss, but may only hug briefly) was revised to allow for more freedom of physical expressions (couples dating seriously are now allowed to hold hands and kiss briefly).”  Dr. Jones, also co-founder and president of Crossover Communications International, appears to be (or has been) a Baptist minister.

We are sure Mr. Sanford has made these Southern gentlemen proud.

 The Sanford’s DC spiritual advisors are harder to pin down, and that is intentional on their part. The group is often known as The Fellowship or The Family.  Governor Sanford called it “C Street” after the organization’s Capitol Hill  hideout at 133 C Street SE, which provides bargain-rate housing for fundamentalist senators and congressmen but is registered in the name of a tax-exempt religious organization.  The wealthy Mr. Sanford did not live there when he was a congressman but was a habitué.  The Fellowship is said to have at least one large estate in Northern Virginia.

Affiliated with many other Christian fundamentalist groups, The Fellowship serves as a sort of missionary effort to the rich and powerful.  It organizes and funds the annual National Prayer Breakfast but keeps its own name off the letterhead. Jeffrey Sharlet has written extensively about this outfit; after you see this article you might want to read his book. (excerpt here).

Current residents of the $1,844,810 “C Street” townhouse  are though to be Congressmen Zach Wamp (R-TN), Bart Stupak (D-MI), Jim DeMint (R-SC), Mike Doyle (D-PA), and Senators John Ensign (R-NV) and Sam Brownback (R-KS). Past C Street Bible study group members have included the residents plus then-Congressman Mark Sanford, Representatives Frank Wolf (R-VA), Steve Largent (R-OK), and Joseph Pitts (R-PA), and Senators Don Nickles (R-OK), Charles Grassley (R-IA), Pete Domenici (R-NM), John McCain (R-AZ), Mike Enzi (R-WY), Mark Pryor (R-AR), James Inhofe (R-OK), Bill Nelson (D-FL), Conrad Burns (R-MT) and (astoundingly) Hillary Clinton (D-NY).

 Even though she now oversees foreign affairs as Secretary of State, we can probably rule out Mrs. Clinton as a mediator between Mr. Sanford and his Argentine lover. Other C Streeters, however,  including those named above, may have advised the wayward Governor, and we cannot rule out Sanford spiritual advice from Fellowship leader Doug Coe:

 Read Jamie Dean’s excellent article on Mark Sanford in WORLD Magazine.

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Evolution, American-Style.

Michigan may not know fudge about building cars anymore, but a Lansing culinary professor just produced the world’s largest slab of fudge, 5,500 pounds. On second thought, that’s exactly how Michigan bulds cars. The world’s largest fudge bar still weights 1800 pounds less than a 2009 Cadillac Escalade.

In other weighty news, Michigan ranks No. 2 in the senior division of the annual Fattest States ranking, with the second highest percentage of obese 55- to 64-year-olds, 36%.

Coincidence?

See more at “F” as in “Fat” 2009

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Mark Sanford is back, with a headline love story even dead celebrities can’t kill!

The South Carolina Governor’s Statehouse press conference went so well last week that he just gave a long interview to Associated Press. 

In a session reporters Tamara Lush and Evan Berland describe as “lengthy and emotional,” Mr. Sanford revealed that his extramarital relationship with Argentine reporter Maria Belen Chapur started eight years ago when he met her at a dance and ”counseled her into the night about her failing marriage.”

Good counseling technique, Governor.

The couple met again at the 2004 Republican Convention but the romance “became physical” in 2008, Mr. Sanford claimed. Mrs. Sanford found out about the affair in January and sent the Governor — and a “spiritual advisor” chaperone – to a goodbye dinner meeting with Ms. Chapur. The threesome went to church in the Big Apple, too. Glory be.

Mr. Sanford visited Ms. Chapur again this month in Argentina, taking the scenic route via the Appalachian Trail. Ever the Christian gentleman, Mr. Sanford told reporters he only nailed the lady on five visits.

Oh. That’s okay, then.

See you in church, Governor.

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Summertime is festival time. If you missed the ones last weekend, don’t fret. There are plenty more next weekend — and for weekends to come — and they’re all the same.

The plain truth: these so-called “Special Events” are no longer very special. There are just too many of them (one promoter calls it ”festival saturation“), tens of thousands in the USA alone, and festivals are much too similar.  

For the past few decades there have been about 60 annual festivals in the Washington, DC area during a four-month season of sixteen weekends. Some years back we attended about 30 of them each year for professional reasons, and spoke with organizers of around 50 festivals annually.

Only a handful of events are distinctive –the large unique thematic festivals and very small neighborhood events. Most festivals are middling-big, badly-run and (if you are not very drunk) extremely boring. They all use the same staging, sound, and promotion companies, they book sound-alike bands, entertainment, exhibits, rides, souvenirs. They look the same and sound the same. Even the T-shirts look the same, and so do the piles of dated, unsold T-shirts left over after each year’s festival.

Festivals also taste and smell the same. Even the rare producers who take great pains to ensure the quality and appropriateness of event entertainment and design include every food vendor with a health department certificate and the appropriate fee. Festivals need to “curate” food concessions to establish and protect a distinctive identity. Of course, they only need do this if they want to survive.

Because this is another “Shake-Out Summer” for many long-time festivals. Even 4th of July events are being canceled. As Emily Fredrix of Associated Press explained last year:

Corporate sponsors are pulling out as they worry about their own financial well-being, let alone donating money to a festival. Organizers are reluctant to raise ticket prices since families shelling out $4-a-gallon for gas may not want to pay the extra money. And costs for hiring bands, vendors and renting grounds are rising.

Last year in Britain, pop music festivals cancelled left and right. Poor ticket sales and bad financial and logistical planning meant bands weren’t getting paid, drinking water — even beer! — was often scarce, toilets poorly serviced, staff inadequate. There was frequent confusion over admission price changes and unannounced schedule variations. When each event is a crisis, when creditors clamor for payment and customers demand refunds, it just isn’t fun anymore.

Note: Festivals compete with “Fun Runs,” “Charity Walks,” and “Mothers Against Bad Stuff” demonstrations on a typical DC weekend.

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The City Council of Brooksville, Florida has revised the dress code for city employees. They must wear underwear.

Undies  must not be “exposed,” however. 

Sigh. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Also verboten: clothing with foul language or messages promoting drug use written on it, halter tops and other “sexually provocative” garments, and piercings anywhere except the ears.

Something city workers must wear: deodorant.  Brooksville (population: 8,000) is 45 miles north of Tampa, 15 miles east of the Gulf. Today’s weather: 89 °F, Heat Index: 99 °F.

Hat tip: OhMyGov!

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Infomercial pitchman Billy Mays died suddenly this morning at his Tampa home. He was 50, the same age as Michael Jackson.  Heavy.

The cause of death is unknown; hair dye toxicity should not be ruled out.

Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett , Gale Storm, Karl Malden,  Jeff Goldblum, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Natale Portman , Elizabeth Taylor, Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears … now Billy Mays. This is American Cultural Genocide! 

Who will be next, our beloved ShamWow Guy?

Somebody call the President.

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