Archive for the ‘space aliens’ Category

UFO Hits Geese, Lands in Hudson

June 8, 2009

UFO Hits Geese, Lands in Hudson

Photo: U.S. Navy.

An intergalactic space vehicle with 150 life forms on board came down in the Hudson River off Manhattan after hitting a flock of geese yesterday. Miraculously, everyone was rescued, but several beings without exoskeletons were slightly injured and taken to New York hospitals which accept ALF health insurance.

NASA is investigating reports that the spacecraft hit a flock of birds after entering Earth’s atmosphere and buzzing Yankee Stadium. Witnesses saw the vessel make an emergency landing in the Hudson, kicking up a cloud of spray on the river.

“The Warp Drive blew. There was fire everywhere and it smelled like xenon,” said a passenger who looked like an ambulatory sea urchin. He  She  It said the pilot announced that the craft was descending rapidly and told passengers to brace for the impact. “We hit that fluid stream pretty hard. It was scary.”

“You gotta give it to the pilot-thingy. The Hive Mind made a hell of a landing,” it added, visibly shaken. Another rescued passenger who looked like a hairless anteater told CNN: “It’s just incredible that everyone’s alive.”

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Intergalactic Eats

May 10, 2009

Intergalactic Eats

Rokeg Blood Pie. Vulcan Plomeek Soup. These are two of the space snacks served by Washington’s Avalon Theatre Cafe during the first run of the new Star Trek movie, writes City Paper‘s Tricia Olszewski.

The Avalon’s recipes are adapted from those of Talaxian chef Neelix, misidentified by the Express as “Starship Enterprise chef.” Haw. Everyone knows Neelix ran the galley on the USS Voyager (and we thank him for his service). Neelix was played by actor Ethan Phillips, co-author (with Willian J. Birnes) of The Star Trek Cookbook (1999). Scholarly space chefs may want to compare this with the so-called Official Star Trek Cooking Manual (1978), attributed to Mary Ann Piccard and Nurse Chapel.

Star Trek grub will be on the Avalon’s menu through May 21st, and burger joints have Trek-related alien eats, but earlier generations of Star Trek theme restaurants are now in eclipse.  There have been recent sightings of alien edibles in some quadrants of the Web, however. To intercept, see this orientation, then set coordinates for these locations:

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Danger, Bill Richardson!

January 27, 2009

Danger, Bill Richardson!

Stardate 27 January 2009.An anomaly has appeared on the dashboard of Starship NotionsCapital. Hundreds of unknown entities are accessing an older blog post about New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, not the new, updated one, violating conventional laws of the Blogosphere. Holy Einstein! Have we drifted near some Black Hole or Space Warp?

 No!  Space Commander Bill Richardson just gave his “State of Outer Space Address,” boasting :

We even went boldly where no state has gone before—launching Spaceport America, signing Virgin Galactic as an anchor tenant, and starting a new commercial space industry in Southern New Mexico ….

Danger Will Robinson Danger, Bill Richardson! Do not enter into compacts with space aliens! The say they come to serve your citizens, but they will serve them on a bun, with slaw!

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Pixels to Ponder, 22 January 2009

January 22, 2009

Pixels to Ponder

  • Perhaps we could re-define disease as “Terrorism” and fight it under provisions of the PATRIOT Act.
  • Baby boomers who had cosmetic surgery don’t go to the movies anymore. They hate looking at young film stars and seeing that their old noses are back in style.
  • The new president should immediately abolish Gatorade. Why does the government support idle critters? Damn gators should get off their lazy butts, catch something, and eat it.
  • Most Americans have changed their minds and believe the scientific evidence that Global Warming is real. Now they want the government to stop those space aliens from causing it.

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DC UFO?

December 6, 2008

DC UFO?

WTF? A UFO on Capitol Hill? NotionsCapital’s Mike Licht was an eye witness:

At 5 PM today I was on Barracks Row, walking toward Pennsylvania Avenue, SE. Looking to my left, I saw a round or spherical shape in the sky, back-lit in the dusk, when the sky is lighter at higher elevations.

Lighting conditions made it hard to judge size (weather or barrage balloon? Hot air balloon? Blimp headed towards or away from me?) and distance (over the Mall, SW or NW DC, Georgetown or Arlington?).  I wasn’t carrying a camera, of course.

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Commerce will Blast Off With Richardson

December 3, 2008

Commerce will Blast Off with Bill Richardson

UPDATE: Richardson launch aborted!

Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico will be named Secretary of Commerce by President-elect Barack Obama today. The Governor will probably not bring his pinto pony here to Washington, despite nonstop whining by Malia and Sasha Obama.

The current economic crisis calls for bold initiatives, and Governor Richardson has plans to Go Where No Commerce Secretary Has Gone Before: Space, the Final Economic Frontier. The Governor has invested millions in the Spaceport America project in southern New Mexico. This effort may spur a new economic boom by initiating Space Commerce; it may also out-source your job to Alpha Centauri and bring new meaning to the term “illlegal alien.” Chances are it will just be another extravagant thrill ride for the very rich. The best the rest of us can hope for is getting our pictures taken while we sit on Bill’s pony.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com.

Kucinich

January 25, 2008

Kucinich 

Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich (D, OH-10) has decided to run – for re-election to Congress. He is leaving the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination.

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Space Alien Update!

January 24, 2008

Space Alien Update

Image: Interior of something. I forget. Either Virgin Galactic 2 or prototype Metrorail subway car (credit: Virgin Galactic).

Space entrepreneur and alien (British) Sir Richard Branson is a pioneer, using bleeding edge technology to harness the unfathomable, enormous power of consumer retail market forces to explore the very envelope flaps of the Theme Park Experience.

Scientists are dumbstruck. Here they are sitting in cubicles doing boring research stuff with puny beeping machines, tinfoil satellites, invisible waves, faint flickering lights and such, crunching and re-crunching data to figure out what it means, when they could have been giving joyrides to rich guys. The sound of headsmacks at NASA in Greenbelt is audible here on Capitol Hill.

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Aliens Emerge from Giant UFO!

January 23, 2008

Aliens Emerge from Giant UFO!

Cruising at 3,000 mph, the gargantuan spaceship zoomed out of the Texas sky, landed, and disgorged occupants who are clearly Not of This Earth.

Wait. That’s not Texas, that’s the Big Apple, Noo friggin’ Yawk. The creature on the left is definitely an alien, though: he’s British, that Branson guy. The humanoid with him is Burt Rutan, who designed the spaceship pictured behind them. Wasn’t there a movie, “Rutan Meets Godzilla”?
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Sky Watch

December 14, 2007

Sky Watch

You may have heard: The blimp boosting presidential hopeful Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) will not make it to Boston as planned this weekend. It will cruise the Carolinas to avoid bad weather up north.

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