Pixels to Ponder, 22 January 2009

• Perhaps we could re-define disease as “Terrorism” and fight it under provisions of the PATRIOT Act.
• Baby boomers who had cosmetic surgery don’t go to the movies anymore. They hate looking at young film stars and seeing that their old noses are back in style.
• The new president should immediately abolish Gatorade. Why does the government support idle critters? Damn gators should get off their lazy butts, catch something, and eat it.
• Most Americans have changed their minds and believe the scientific evidence that Global Warming is real. Now they want the government to stop those space aliens from causing it.

DC UFO?

WTF? A UFO on Capitol Hill? NotionsCapital’s Mike Licht was an eye witness:

At 5 PM today I was on Barracks Row, walking toward Pennsylvania Avenue, SE. Looking to my left, I saw a round or spherical shape in the sky, back-lit in the dusk, when the sky is lighter at higher elevations.

Lighting conditions made it hard to judge size (weather or barrage balloon? Hot air balloon? Blimp headed towards or away from me?) and distance (over the Mall, SW or NW DC, Georgetown or Arlington?).  I wasn’t carrying a camera, of course.

Commerce will Blast Off With Richardson

UPDATE: Richardson launch aborted!

Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico will be named Secretary of Commerce by President-elect Barack Obama today. The Governor will probably not bring his pinto pony here to Washington, despite nonstop whining by Malia and Sasha Obama.

The current economic crisis calls for bold initiatives, and Governor Richardson has plans to Go Where No Commerce Secretary Has Gone Before: Space, the Final Economic Frontier. The Governor has invested millions in the Spaceport America project in southern New Mexico. This effort may spur a new economic boom by initiating Space Commerce; it may also out-source your job to Alpha Centauri and bring new meaning to the term “illlegal alien.” Chances are it will just be another extravagant thrill ride for the very rich. The best the rest of us can hope for is getting our pictures taken while we sit on Bill’s pony.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com.

Kucinich

 

Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich (D, OH-10) has decided to run – for re-election to Congress. He is leaving the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination.

Space Alien Update!

Image: Interior of something. I forget. Either Virgin Galactic 2 or prototype Metrorail subway car (credit: Virgin Galactic).

Space entrepreneur and alien (British) Sir Richard Branson is a pioneer, using bleeding edge technology to harness the unfathomable, enormous power of consumer retail market forces to explore the very envelope flaps of the Theme Park Experience.

Scientists are dumbstruck. Here they are sitting in cubicles doing boring research stuff with puny beeping machines, tinfoil satellites, invisible waves, faint flickering lights and such, crunching and re-crunching data to figure out what it means, when they could have been giving joyrides to rich guys. The sound of headsmacks at NASA in Greenbelt is audible here on Capitol Hill.

Aliens Emerge from Giant UFO!

Cruising at 3,000 mph, the gargantuan spaceship zoomed out of the Texas sky, landed, and disgorged occupants who are clearly Not of This Earth.

Wait. That’s not Texas, that’s the Big Apple, Noo friggin’ Yawk. The creature on the left is definitely an alien, though: he’s British, that Branson guy. The humanoid with him is Burt Rutan, who designed the spaceship pictured behind them. Wasn’t there a movie, “Rutan Meets Godzilla”?

Sky Watch

You may have heard: The blimp boosting presidential hopeful Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) will not make it to Boston as planned this weekend. It will cruise the Carolinas to avoid bad weather up north.

Terror Tool or Tonic Tote?

Richard Esposito of ABC’s “Blotter” passes on this Terror Alert from an unnamed “regional law enforcement agency.” The California Baywatchers, perhaps.

The mysterious Marshals’ memo, reissued from last year, warns of an insidious device called Dram Sandal by Reef with a Secret Compartment that can conceal 2 or even 3 ounces of inflammable liquids or dangerous “jello shooters.” Just think what damage those could inflict on an innocent clam shack or surfboard rack. The mind reels.

Winter in Acapulco for DC Citizens – Free!

Free Acapulco vacations this winter for everyone in Washington, DC!

Here’s my plan:

Citizens of the District of Columbia pay taxes but, due to a little Constitutional faux pas, a tiny 200-year-old gaffe, they aren’t represented in Congress.

Let’s intensify our constant pestering about this teeny little oversight and quote the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Federalist Papers and other tiresome anachronisms until we finally annoy enough really powerful people so much they finally make Congress “retrocede” Washington to another state to give DC citizens Congressmen and Senators with votes and get us to shut up.

Unlike recent proposals imposing DC on Maryland, though, let’s force Congress to follow strict historical precedent and stick Washington onto the Old Dominion, the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Horrified, the Virginia General Assembly will immediately declare all DC citizens Official Aliens.

Mike’s Big Money Politics: Blast-Off!

 In today’s installment, Mike helps Bill Richardson.

The pursuit of higher office in America demands dedication, sacrifice, vision, endurance, and belief in Democracy and oneself. It also requires pollsters, spinmeisters, hucksters, advance men, and enough simoleans to send every kid in the country through Harvard. And medical school.

Most of this money is donated by people inspired by the spirit of the Founding Fathers, those gifted men who wrote the Declaration of Independence, Constitution and Bill of Rights, endlessly debating concepts of Liberty and Freedom while their slaves, servants, tenants and women did all the work.