“The FBI is investigating complaints of alleged campaign finance violations in Rep. Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign.
Archive for the ‘Republicans’ Category
FBI Has Eyes on Bachmann
May 19, 2013Congressman Mark Sanford Sworn In
May 19, 2013
Disgraced Former Governor Mark Sanford, noted Republican adulterer, was sworn in as the representative of South Carolina’s First Congressional District on Tuesday. Mr. Defense of Marriage Act was accompanied by his paramour, the lovely María Belén Chapur of Argentina. We recognized her from earlier photos.
Newt Gingrich and His Pocket Communicator
May 16, 2013
Newt Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House and future Moon Colony Governor, is baffled by the nomenclature for his … pocket communicator device thingy. It’s a pager, a Personal Digital Assistant, a GPS, a Gameboy, an Email Appliance, a Walkman, a camera, and a can opener telephone, all in one — and it fits in your pocket!
Mr. Gingrich is the leading intellectual of the Republican Party and its chief (perhaps only) Futurist. So what should he call this miraculous machine?
New Chair of Congressional Adultery Caucus
May 9, 2013
Disgraced Former Governor Mark Sanford, noted Republican adulterer, has defeated comedian Steven Colbert’s sister and is the new Representative of South Carolina’s First Congressional District. He held that office once before, then became the Palmetto State’s governor and secretly ran off to Argentina with his mistress, telling aides he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.
Sounds like a good candidate for the House Foreign Affairs Committee.
Texas Congressman Sees Another Conspiracy
April 28, 2013
The Honorable The congressman representing the First District of Texas, Rep. Louie Gohmert, the hero who saved the Republic from The Attack of the Terrorist Babies, has found a new covert menace:
“… this administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”
– “Tea Party Congressman: Muslim Brotherhood Is Guiding Obama In Boston Bombings Investigation,” Igor Volsky, Think Progress
But just how many Muslim Brotherhood members have infiltrated the Obama administration, anyway?
Paul Ryan’s Healthcare Reform Crusade
April 18, 2013
“We are not going to give up on destroying the healthcare system for the American people.”
— House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R, WI-1)
Source: The Hill
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GOP Healthcare Plan
April 4, 2013
Republicans have an eight-point healthcare plan to replace “Obamacare” insurance coverage with tax cuts for the rich.
“This isn’t a plan to ‘replace Obamacare.’ It’s a plan to do the opposite of replacing Obamacare. It’s as if I said I had a plan to fix the house by replacing the leaky roof, and you said you had a plan to fix the house by getting rid of the roof.”
– ”The Republican plan for replacing Obamacare doesn’t replace Obamacare,” Ezra Klein, Washington Post blog
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Mark Sanford Bound for the Capitol via the Appalachian Trail
April 3, 2013
Disgraced Former Governor Mark Sanford, noted Republican adulterer, has won a primary runoff election and is now the Republican candidate for South Carolina’s First Congressional District. He held that office once before, then became the Palmetto State’s governor and secretly ran off to Argentina with his mistress, telling aides he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Sounds like a good candidate for the House Foreign Affairs Committee.
He has to win the general election first. Already a figure of ridicule, he’ll have to defeat comedian Steven Colbert’s sister. Really.
Related:
“The Sierra Club helps Mark Sanford find the Appalachian Trail,” Shea Gunther, Mother Nature Network
“Mark Sanford’s fiancée Maria Belen Chapur attends his victory party,” Washington Post
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Defense of Marriage 2013
March 18, 2013
“I’m glad to see Newt Gingrich holding fast to his position that marriage is between one man and one woman … after another.”
Mark Kleiman, “Portman and Gay Marriage,” Washington Monthly blog
Related:
“Newt Gingrich, Thrice Married Adulterer, Calls for Constitutional Amendment to Protect Marriage,” Steven Thrasher, Village Voice
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Rick Santorum Aspires to Higher Office
March 16, 2013
Former Senator Rick Santorum delivered a rousing sermon to the CPAC congregation on Friday. He was quite emotional, upset over his failed Christian Theocracy campaign for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination and his defeat in this week’s election in Rome. Mr. Santorum had done quite well in the papal primaries but lost to fellow Italian American Jorge Mario Bergoglio.
So Rick Santorum will continue doing the Lord’s work as lobbyist for spiritual advisor to America’s corporate masters. Until the next conclave or election, anyway.
Related:
“The Pope of Pennsylvania,” Marie Burns, NY Times Examiner
“Rick Santorum’s son defeated in (class) presidential campaign,” Kristen A. Lee, New York Daily News
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