Archive for the ‘men’ Category

Turkey Torching Tips for Guys

November 20, 2012

Turkey Torching Tips for Guys
The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio.

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers can help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Forget about those electronic gizmos at Leading Edge, you can never read their LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. It should be big enough to bother messing with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

4. Check interior compartment of poultry (note: light does not go on automatically; use your Maglite). Any paper-wrapped parcels inside do not contain Surprise Creme Filling. Remove; give to wife or cat. If the bird is frozen, use your Benz-0-Matic torch judiciously or the meat will be dry. At this point you may marinate the turkey in any fluid mixture as long as it contains beer.

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Labor Day Weekend: REAL Men Grill Meat

September 1, 2012

Labor Day Weekend: REAL Men Grill Meat
This is Labor Day Weekend, ceremonial End of Summer in the USA. During this three-day holiday adult American men are obliged to offer up sacrifices to their gods, incinerating animal flesh outdoors near their homes. Families and neighbors consume the charred remains, washing them down with libations of fermented grain orcarbonated sugar-water.

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Necktie Robot

August 4, 2012

Necktie Robot

After developing several of those frivolous biomedical devices, sculptor Seth R. Goldstein finally made something half the population can really use, a machine that can tie your necktie. Now there’s one less excuse for not having a real job.

More:

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Thoughts of Women Stupify Male Brains

January 22, 2012

Thoughts of Women Stupify Male Brains

“Casually mentioning a female instead of a male name was sufficient to impair men’s cognitive performance,” according to a research team from Radboud University in the Netherlands. “Moreover, these effects occur even if men do not get information about the woman’s attractiveness.”

When heterosexual males interact with attractive women, they put so much effort into trying to make a good impression that they don’t have the resources left to think clearly. Caveat: by “males” the scientists mean their usual research animals, university students.

More:

“Sex on the Brain Proves Costly for Men,” Tom Jacobs, Miller-McCune

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Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-cil

Image (“American Male Mind”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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What Men Think About

November 30, 2011

What Men Think About

Everyone thinks that men think about sex all the time, but it’s not true. They also think about sex.

No, seriously, a study by an Ohio State psychology professor claims they also think about food, sleep, fashionable shoes and other things. The conventional wisdom that men think about sex every seven seconds would mean they do it 8,000 times a day, but they only admitted doing so 18 times daily. Women said they thought about sex 10 times a day. Figuring 16 waking hours, that’s 54 minutes between naughty thoughts for men, 96 minutes for women.

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Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

November 22, 2011

Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys
Oh no! Despite reading Turkey Torching Tips for Guys you have a great big, fully cooked, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey on your hands. You examine it minutely and discover there’s no little red zip tab to open so you can take out slices. What now?

That’s some big old avian cadaver you got there, buddy. There’s only one manly way to divvy it up. That’s right: chainsaw.

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Turkey Torching Tips for Guys

November 21, 2011

Turkey Torching Tips for Guys
The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio.

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers can help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry some turkey. Here’s how:

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Mr. Weiner Hangs It Up

June 19, 2011

Mr. Weiner Hangs It Up

Rep. Anthony D. Weiner (D-NY 9) resigned from Congress. He didn’t tweet about it, but the media noticed.

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What Men Think About

April 12, 2011

What Men Think About

Shed Simove has published a book called What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex. Each of the book’s 200 pages is completely blank.

The book is a worldwide best-seller.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

November 23, 2010

Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

Oh no! Despite reading Turkey Torching Tips for Guys you have a great big, fully cooked, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey on your hands. You examine it minutely and discover there’s no little red zip tab to open so you can take out slices. What now?

That’s some big old avian cadaver you got there, buddy. There’s only one manly way to divvy it up. That’s right: chainsaw.

  (more…)


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