Barbie Hooks a Muskie

A true daughter of Minnesota, Ella Haag was out at Round Lake with the family last Saturday, the start of Walleye season. She carefully cast her worm-baited hook into the lake’s waters with her pink Barbie rod and reel. Ella is two years old.

Ella caught a sunfish and was reeling it in when the water exploded. A muskelunge had struck her catch. Carrie Haag, Ella’s mom, grabbed the pink fishing pole before her daughter was dragged into the lake and started hauling the big fish in. Grandpa David netted and weighed it: 20 pounds, more than Ella.

The family snapped a photo and released the finny beast. “I caught a shark,” said Ella. More here.

Arizona Vies With Texas in Ignorance Race

The Texas Education Board removed Thomas Jefferson and Darwin from school textbooks so, in the great race to the bottom, those competitive Arizona Republicans passed a new law banning Ethnic Studies programs in the state’s schools.

“So the complaint is that ethnic studies in general, and Chicano studies in particular, teach hate,” explains Salon’s Gabriel Winant:

“In a moment of truly dazzling irony, Horne {Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne] said, ‘It’s just like the old South, and it’s long past time that we prohibited it.’

The logic seems to be that any time brown folks get together in groups to talk about their identity and history, they must be plotting against white people. Maybe something here sounds like the old South, but I don’t think it’s the students and teachers.”

DC: National Football Champs

The national football championship comes to Washington, DC!

That’s right, the city’s own Watkins Hornets won the Pee Wee Division 1 Pop Warner National Football Championship.

Oh, you thought we meant the NFL Ethnic Slurs. Nope. Those over-paid losers play outside town somewhere.

More on the real champs here.

Image (“les joueurs de football à la télévision, après Henri Rousseau”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Obama Brainwashing! Obama Brainwashing!

Tuesday morning at school, when your kids are in a pliant, receptive mood after reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, the clever neuro-seducers of the White House will turn their classroom televisions into weapons of child destruction. Their tender brains will be warped against all you hold holy through a propaganda broadcast by The Obama himself!  The fiend will turn your offspring against you with his litany of outrageous blasphemies, including:

Obama’s Dangerous Message to Our Children

School begins for our nation’s children. What’s the biggest danger they confront: drugs, gangs, flu, cooties, dropping out, crumbling classrooms, bullies, big classes, bad teaching, dorky-looking gym suits?

No.

It is a live video visit from the so-called “President of the United States,” THE OBAMA, apparently some kind of space alien carrying a brain-eating contagion that feeds on the minds of our young.

Federal Education Inculcator Arne Duncan admits that The Obama entity will speak directly to innocent kids on September 8th and “challenge students to work hard, set educational goals, and take responsibility for their learning.”

Real Americans know what that means:

Princess and Frog, Italian-Style

The fairytale story of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (72) enters a new chapter as his wife’s divorce case provides charming details of his affection for young women. Very young women (under age 18).

The wealthy Berlusconi controls the Italian media, so it is no surprise that he was able to surpress publication of photographs of topless female guests at his New Year’s Eve party (known locally as la Sagra Della Rana).

Read about it here, in la Repubblica, or on the tabloid front page of your choice.

 

Sì, sì, the age of consent in Italy is 16 (14 on Saturday night) but this guy is 72 years old.

Der Froschkönig (the Frog Prince, AT Type 440) is best-known through the work of Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm; images trademarked by Disney Studios , used here under satire provisions of the Fair Use Doctrine (speaking of provisions, see Rane in Guazzetto). Berlusconi caricature courtesy of Interventi di Chirurgia Estetica Soci.

Air Guitar Gladiators!

The 2009 U.S. Air Guitar Championship comes to the Nation’s Capital this Friday, May 29th. The competition (motto: 25 Cities, 1 winner, 0 Guitars”) will be conducted by U.S. Air Guitar, “official air guitar association of the United States.”  Fantasy Fender-benders of DC take note: the bandstand at the 9:30 Club is almost full, so email your awesome air-rock videos now, or pick a different regional head-butt battle — the tour runs through June 27th, with National Finals in August. The US champ goes to the World Air Guitar Championship in Finland (August 19-21).

Thrill junkies can warm up for the air guitar gynmastics with the breathtaking competition of the National Spelling Bee. The Semis begin Wednesday at 1 PM and the Finals are Thursday, and broadcast by sports cable ESPN. The edited 2009 Finals will be broadcast Thursday at 8PM on ABC-TV.

But whatever you do, don’t confuse the Air Guitar Championship with the American Sign Language Spelling Bee.

 

Image (Stratocastrian Man, after Leonardo da Vinci and Leonardo Fender) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Biden Insults President’s Dog!

 

Vice President Jospeh Biden stunned a Syracuse audience Sunday with his stinging insults to President Obama’s dog.

“My dog is smarter than Bo,” said Mr. Biden, comparing his own puppy, Champ, to the Chief Executive’s Portuguese Water Dog, official First Dog of the entire United States of America.

The influential audience of 5th graders at Bellevue Elementary School was clearly shocked.

“Bo’s a beautiful dog too,” the Vice President added, realizing his gaffe.

But it’s on video.

Woof!

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here.  Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Bo Obama, First Dog

The Easter Puppy brought a gift for Sasha and Malia Obama this weekend: their eagerly anticipated dog. Who says the administration doesn’t follow through on campaign promises?

There has been media confusion due to nomenclature mix-ups and the quaint custom of  ”news embargoes” among dead-tree reporters (the dog’s debut is slated for Tuesday). Worse, all adult news editors are on vacation this week, and the smarter interns (who now research and write all U.S. news) are on Spring Break.

The facts so far:

Name:  Bo, supplied by the Obama girls. The 6-month-old male pooch was formerly called “Charlie,”  and his AKC registered name is Amigo’s New Hope, but the dog won’t be confused. At this point the pup probably just answers to the electric can opener and the rattling of the doorknob and food bowl, anyway.

Title: Consensus has settled on “First Dog,” but we like “First Pooch” and the term coined by Kriston Capps of DCist, “First Hypoallergenic Friend.”

Breed: Portuguese Water Dog is the official AKC term.  This type of dog is also called Cão de Água Português (in Portuguese, natch), Portuguese Fishing Dog, Portuguese Water Spaniel, and “Portie.” 

Color:  Black with a white ruff, perfect for DC’s many formal occasions (white dinner jackets are now optional in summer).

Coiffure: Retriever Clip. The other option, the Lion Clip, is too silly for words (look at this). Curly coat; not wavy, Jheri-curled, processed, or relaxed.

The Economy Crumbles

You know the economy is bad when Girls Scouts are prime crime targets:

Greer, South Carolina: Thief Robs Local Girl Scout Cookie Booth, Makes Off With Dough

Juneau, Alaska: Masked man nabs $800 from Girl Scouts

Meriden, Connecticut: Girl Scouts robbed by Meriden man

Lake Worth, Florida: Teens Unremorseful After Stealing From Girl Scout

Carlisle, Indiana: Thieves empty Girl Scouts cookie supply

San Antonio, Texas: Police: Man stole cookie cash from Girl Scouts

Troupsburg, New York: Ex-Scout leader accused of stealing Girl Scout cookie money

San Diego County, California: Former Girl Scout bookkeeper sentenced in cookie sale theft

 

Bear this in mind: Girl Scouts of the USA does not allow Internet cookie sales because that would be too dangerous.

 

Trefoil design and logo are registered trademarks of Girl Scouts of the USA and are used here because this post is not about Boy Scouts.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.