Book Festival for a Nation of Non-Readers

Featured book of the Book Festival. Really.

Instead of distributing millions of free books to America’s children or restoring the NEA and NEH budgets, U.S. Library-Lady-in-Chief Laura Bush is hosting what we fervently hope is the last National Book Shill Festival on Washington, DC’s National Mall tomorrow, Saturday, September 27, 2008.

The festival presents our greatest living American authors: Dionne Warwick and her psychic friends, Laura Bush & Jenna Bush (what a coincidence!), Chris Duhon ( NBA Chicago Bulls) and Ivory Latta (WNBA Atlanta Dream; “good friend” of LeBron James and Chris “Ludacris” Bridges).

This year there is a Featured Book: Our White House: Looking In, Looking Out ( Candlewick Press, 2008) about the public housing facility currently occupied by, um, Laura Bush.

P.S.: Tomorrow is the start of Banned Books Week, celebrating the Freedom to Read since 1982.

Our sympathies to the beleaguered employees of the Library of Congress whose valuable time and resources have been wasted on this absurd Book Fest. It will probably rain tomorrow, too. Stay home and read banned books.

Jenna’s Honeymoon – Guantanamo, ANWR or Europe?

After they were hitched by an Obama supporter, shy young newlyweds Jenna Bush-Hager and Henry Chase Hager snuck away from Texas in a discrete CIA-chartered flight, as “Super T” Tyrone Smith crooned The Wind Beneath My Wings as a boogaloo, backed by his 10-piece band and Henry’s inebriated fraternity brothers. There seems to be no truth to the rumor, started here, that Jenna and Henry are bound for a honeymoon in exotic Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Too bad; it would have been private and perfect (except for the sharks).

Jenna and Henry — ANWR Honeymoon?

A new rumor is circulating:  Jenna Bush and Henry Hager won’t enjoy an exotic tropical honeymoon after all, but will enjoy the fleeting beauty of ANWR, the Alaska National Wildlife Preserve. How has this totally unfounded rumor spread? You’re reading it, aren’t you?

Wild Waco Weekend

The Jenna Bush – Henry Hager wedding has paralyzed tiny Crawford Texas and stunned nearby Waco, which already has a full calendar of events this weekend. While everyone is moved that President Bush built a limestone altar for the nuptials (it will barbeque three whole briskets too), some Texans who are not selling souvenirs are annoyed with the additional traffic, fuss and bother.

This is a royal wedding, American-style. It is not every day that the daughter of a sitting president weds a former aide of Grand Vizier Karl Rove. Henry Hager is also son of a former Virginia Lieutenant Governor who heads the Republican Party in Virginia, and is rich.

Jenna’s Nuptials Immobilize Nation

(Above: Texas Tech Masked Rider searches desperately for a hotel room.)

The mere rumor that Jenna Bush is getting married in Waco on May 10th has thrown Central Texas and America’s Innovation Economy into paralysis if not meltdown. The Texas Technology Student Association is scheduled to hold its Convention and Trebuchet Contest in Waco that week, but the Washington press and Bush family and friends have booked all the hotels. 10,000 technology students and Trebuchet fans from all over the country must drive as far as Austin to find hotel rooms.

Waterboarding News

Waterboarding: “. . . an interrogation technique in which a detainee is strapped to a board and pushed underwater to make him think he might drown.” (Washington Post, Friday, January 7, 2005)

Senator John McCain reminded a Florida press conference that some Japanese were tried and hanged after World War II for waterboarding American prisoners. “There should be little doubt . . . that we consider that as torture otherwise we wouldn’t have tried and convicted Japanese for doing that . . . to Americans,” he said.

Blogosphere Record

NotionsCapital has established what is thought to be a record throughout the Entire Known Blogosphere.

Yesterday, for the first time in 113 posts, these words appeared on this blog: George W. Bush.

Check for yourself. This blog was up for one full month without ever mentioning that name.

I’m amazed, too. Most blogs start their first posts with that name, followed by expletives or (rare now) benedictions, and continue to use it at least once daily. Even blogs with names like World o’ Guppies (“. . . scale rot due to pollution and Global Warming, thanks to . . .”) Action Accountant (“. . . deregulation and tax incentives due to the bold foresight of . . .”) and Scrap Metal Scraps (“. . . nary a decent chunk of copper or brass since that . . .”).

I promise not to make a habit of it here. I mean, what’s the point?

Of course the charming Laura and Jenna will continue to amuse and inspire us by naively assuming the American publishing industry shares their love of literature.

And then there are those nasty little Republicanines Miss Beazley and Barney . . . .

 

Image by Mike Licht

Next Job for W?

Jenna Bush told Larry King that her father might like to be Baseball Commissioner after leaving the White House. Given the President’s controversial  investment history with the Texas Rangers franchise that seems unlikely.

Mr. Bush loves to clear brush, so I have another suggestion: caretaker at the Central Texas State Veterans Cemetery, 11463 State Highway 195 at Chaparral Road, about six miles south of U.S. 190, in Killeen, TX.

It is 60 miles by road from Crawford, not an uncommon commute for Texas, and the 75 minute drive would allow plenty of time for introspection.

Of course, maybe the 4^th Infantry Division at nearby Foot Hood could insert Mr. Bush by helicopter each day. They have some new  CH-47-F Chinooks. That’s more his style.

Image by Mike Licht.

Gitmo Honeymoon?

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Jenna Welch Bush, daughter of President and Mrs. George W. Bush, plans to honeymoon with fiancé Henry C. Hager at historic Guantanamo, Cuba. 

We know this because we are starting the rumor here. 

Honestly, what could be more romantic? The crash of the surf in the warm night air, silhouettes of palm trees against the sunset, the exotic Arabic murmur of the evening prayer . . . .  Jenn and Hank will wish their honeymoon could last forever.  

And it does for some — no habeus corpus.

Image by White House and unindicted co-conspirator Mike Licht.