Archive for the ‘holidays’ Category

October Holiday

October 13, 2014

October Holiday
Today, October 13, 2014, the Federal Office of Management and Budget observes the invasion of the Americas by Christophorus Columbus (aka Christoffa Corombo, Cristoforo Colombo, Cristóvão Colombo, Christovam Colom, and Cristóbal Colón), a Genoese private contractor working for the government of Castille.  Federal employees have Monday off. Even at the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

Of course, senators and congressmen have every Monday off. Every Friday, too.

God Bless America.

Note: Monday, October 13, 2014 is Indigenous Peoples Day in cities from Seattle to Skowhegan. In Minneapolis, too. It’s Native American Day in South Dakota and Explorers Day in Hawaii.

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Labor Day To-Do List

September 1, 2014

Labor Day To-Do List

Happy Labor Day. Now that September is upon us, remember:

1. The 2014 NFL season starts Thursday, September 4th. Get snacks & beer.

2. Air out woolens.

3. Buy leaf bags.

4. Don’t wear white shoes after September 1st. 
Persons in the continental United States wearing white shoes past that date are assumed to be illegal aliens from the Southern Hemisphere, and will be treated accordingly. You have been warned.

More::

“Why Can’t You Wear White After Labor Day?” Kathy Benjamin, Mental Floss

“The Reason(s) Behind the No-White-After-Labor-Day Rule (Blame the One Percent!),” John Surico, Village Voice

Why We Can’t Wear White After Labor Day,” Laura Fitzpatrick, Time

Related:

“When Labor Day Meant Something,” Chad Broughton, The Atlantic

“US unions are shrinking. These 7 charts show what that means.” Danielle Kurtzleben, Vox

“Why white men hate unions,” Edward McClelland, Salon

“More Workers Are Claiming ‘Wage Theft,’” Steve Greenhouse, New York Times

Vaguely-related rant:

“Labor Day Is a Scam To Keep You Poor and Miserable Forever,” Ken Layne, Gawker

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Labor Day Weekend: REAL Men Grill Meat

August 30, 2014

Labor Day Weekend: REAL Men Grill Meat

This is Labor Day Weekend, ceremonial End of Summer in the USA. During this three-day holiday adult American men are obliged to offer up sacrifices to their gods, incinerating animal flesh outdoors behind their homes. Families and  neighbors consume the charred remains, washing them down with copious libations of fermented grain or carbonated sugar-water.

This custom is said to bridge cultural differences and promote family and community cohesion, but the ceremony has a grave, unstated purpose. If American men do not burn meat for them on Labor Day, the angry gods will not end summer, preventing the start of the new pro football season.

More:

“Football: America’s national religion,” Chad Gibbs, Washington Post  blog.

“The Foodspin Cookout Reader,” Albert Burneko, Foodspin

“NFL Labor Day Cookout: Which Food Is Your Favorite Player Bringing?” Bailey Brautigan, Bleacher Report.

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Note: Canadian men sacrifice meat on “Labour Day,” which has something to do with their Ice Hockey cult. Or with Curling, maybe. Whatever that is.

Image (“BBQ Grill for Real Men”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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The 4th of July. Hot Dog!

July 4, 2014

The 4th of July. Hot Dog!
Many Americans will celebrate this Independence Day by ingesting a batter-like slurry of pork and/or beef meat taken off the bone by advanced meat recovery machinery (AMM) and mixed with potassium lactate, sodium diacetate, sodium erythorbate, corn maltodextrin, sodium nitrate, and paprika extract, then forced into tubes for processing.

Patriotic citizens will heat the slurry-filled tubes over glowing little pillows of carbonized sawdust and petroleum distillates, place them in enriched flour buns moistened with a paste of ground yellow mustard seeds mixed with acetic acid and turmeric, and garnish them with many tiny cubes of chemically preserved cucumber dyed an improbable green with FD&C Yellow #5. Then they’ll eat them.

Yum!

The National Hot Dog & Sausage Council says Americans will eat 7 billion hot dogs this summer, 150 million of them on Independence Day. So enjoy our National Food, and have a safe and happy 4th of July.

Read more:

“What’s in Your Wiener? Hot Dog Ingredients Explained,” Katherine Harmon, Scientific American

“Why Americans Are Eating Fewer Hot Dogs,” Paul Lukas,Bloomberg BusinessWeek

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Image (after James Montgomery Flagg and Oscar Mayer) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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July 2nd: Independence Day

July 2, 2014

July 2nd: Independence Day

The Second of July, 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. I am apt to believe it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival.” — John Adams

On July 2, 1776 the Second Continental Congress approved the resolution to declare the United Colonies a sovereign nation, independent of the British Empire.

More:

“Why July 2 is really America’s independence day,” Valerie Strauss, Washington Post

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Image (“Declaration Drafting Committee, after Jean Leon Gerome Ferris”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Bloomsday

June 16, 2014

Bloomsday
We hope you’re enjoying the holiday. That’s right, it’s Bloomsday.

On June 16, 1904, James Joyce and his future bride, Nora Barnacle, took a stroll in Dublin. In Joyce’s novel Ulysses, Leopold Bloom walks the same streets on the same date. Years later, a literary holiday was born:

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Wardrobe Adjustment

May 26, 2014

Wardrobe Adjustment

Today is Memorial Day, a special time when this great nation pauses a moment to look for its white shoes and straw hats. This is the official Unofficial Start of Summer, so get your seersucker suits out of storage.

In Baltimore, “Straw Hat Day” was May 15th; farther south, other rules apply. But remind yourself that today is about more than wearing light clothing, burning meat, or buying major appliances. There’s a reason we observe a moment of silence at 3:00 PM.

Related:

“National WWII Museum Poll Shows 80 percent of Americans Unfamiliar with Memorial Day’s Real Meaning” (Press Release).

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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The Fallen

May 26, 2014

The Fallen

“If silence is ever golden, it must be beside the graves of fifteen-thousand men, whose lives were more significant than speech, and whose death was a poem the music of which can never be sung.”

– James A. Garfield, May 30, 1868, Arlington National Cemetery

Memorial Day is not about barbecues, car sales, concerts, parades, or discounts on refrigerators. Don’t celebrate Memorial Day. Observe it. Thoughtfully.

National Moment of Remembrance
A minute of silence.
Monday, May 26, 2014 3:00 PM local time.

More:

“National Moment of Remembrance,” Memorial Day Foundation

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Rolling Thunder

May 25, 2014

Rolling Thunder

Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Rally
Sunday, May 25, 2014

Departure from the Pentagon 12:00 Noon for Reflecting Pool via Memorial Bridge
Speaker Program and Musical Tribute 1:30 p.m. at the Reflecting Pool across from The Lincoln Memorial.

More information here

2014 Buffalo Thunder Memorial Motorcycle Ride
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Departure from Sears parking, 2101 Brightseat Road, Hyattsville, MD 10:00 AM for the African American Civil War Memorial

African American Civil War Memorial and Museum, 1925 Vermont Ave NW, Washington, DC

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Burnt Offerings

May 24, 2014

Burnt Offerings
It’s Memorial Day weekend, and patriotic citizens honor America’s fallen heroes by incinerating and ingesting meat outdoors. Other observances include mass motorcycle runs, traffic jams, parades of children and pets, and ceremonial retail frenzy.

This weekend will fatten U.S. meat sales and heat up the economy. Citizens who do not eat meat grill veggies; religious Jews grill kosher meat. It might be said that burger burning, bargain-hunting Americans are celebrating the values our fallen heroes were defending, but only if gluttony and consumerism are mistaken for expressions of freedom.

Anyway, have a thoughtful weekend. Observe the traditional moment of silence on Monday at 3:00 PM. And try to avoid the traditional outbreak of Memorial Day motor accidentsboating mishapshouse fires, and food poisoning.

Related:

“National WWII Museum Poll Shows 80 percent of Americans Unfamiliar with Memorial Day’s Real Meaning” (Press Release).

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com [Note: I imagined this outrageous grill a few years ago; now someone is selling it].

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length

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