Tonight in Iowa, citizens will huddle in 800 little groups to determine which Republican Presidential candidate they would prefer as a dinner partner. The Iowa Caucus process has not changed much over the years except for the inclusion of womenfolk and Republicans with dark complexions (if the latter can be found in Iowa).
The caucus process is simple: Iowa citizens show up at the church basement, stately home, or pork-packing plant the state GOP has designated as their caucus site. Attendees display their GOP tattoos at the door; those without them can get marked-up before festivities begin. Candidate adherents rant, threaten, and cajole. Secret balloting follows, but only the jammers can score. Caucus cell leaders telephone voting results to 99 county GOP HQs which notify Iowa GOP Central Command. The runner-up is crowned Miss Popularity, and losers and their surrogates begin the arduous spin cycle. Finally, the caucus winner is put on the Iowa ballot and U.S. voters elect someone else as President in November.
God Bless America.
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