Missing Cobra

The Bronx Zoo is missing a cobra. The poisonous snake has not been seen since Friday. It still hasn’t returned after four days so we can assume it’s not just taking a long weekend with the kids at nearby Fordam University. Zookeepers maintain the critter is still lurking in the nooks and crannies of the Reptile House, but the snake seems to have taken a downtown 2 Train or 5 Train at the nearby East Tremont Avenue/West Farms Square subway station.

The venomous varmint is clearly an adolescent. Proof: she has a cell phone, and she’s on Twitter. Sample Tweet: “At the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Temple of Dendur really kicks some asp. @BronxZoosCobra”

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Creationists Find Cave Painting of Dinosaur

Creationists now claim a cave painting at Utah’s Kachina Bridge formation in south-eastern Utah proves that dinosaurs and humans co-existed. They are probably relying on the famed Biblical commentary “Alley Oop of Moo” rather than the conventional paleontological record.

More:

“Creationists Find Cave Painting of Dinosaur,” Maureen O’Connor, Gawker

 ”Debunking the ‘Dinosaurs’ of Kachina Bridge,” Brian Switek, Dinosaur Tracking, Smithsonian blog

 ”‘Proof of Creation’ Dino Drawing Just a Mud Stain,” Eric Niiler, Discovery News

 

Image (“New Discoveries at Lascaux”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Cat Poop and World Hunger

World food prices are rising at a frightening rate, resulting in uprisings, hunger and death. U.S. government policy diverts food into the nation’s gas tanks by subsidizing production of corn ethanol, and not enough American farmland is planted in corn to meet demand. Millions go hungry or starve, governments are destabilized, and world food prices continue to rise.

How does American industry respond?  It turns corn into kitty litter.

Cherry Blossoms

As Washington’s famed cherry blossoms are poised to reach their peak, let us take a moment to reflect on the land of their origin, Japan.

Done? Okay, back to DC.

In keeping with the gentle, contemplative nature of the Japanese blossom-viewing tradition, Washington visitors can take part in the Cherry Blossom Rugby Tournament, Cherry Blossom Festival Gala Dinner Cruise, Cherry Blossom Family Bike Rally, Cherry Blossom Classic Golf Tournament, Cherry Blossom Festival Pink Tie Party,  and Cherry Blast Dance Party.

Washington in Austin

The South By Southwest (SxSW) festival is over, so now it can be told: some Washington DC bands were actually there. Others stayed away, echoing Yogi Berra: “Nobody goes there, it’s too crowded.”

Meet the bands here. 

More: “Photos: What D.C. Looked Like at SXSW,” Erica Bruce, ArtsDesk, Washington City Paper.

 

Image (“Washington Band Crossing Lake Austin, after Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Busload

Was your bus ride a bit crowded this morning? It’s not the bus, it’s us. We’re … um, bigger. Heavier. Bus capacity is still measured using our old average weight, 150 lbs., and bus testers pretend we can still cram into 1.5 square feet of standing room. But why do so many bus seats seem to be single-occupancy these days?

The Federal Transit authority thinks the old standards compromise safety. FTA wants to test new buses using a 175-pounds-per-passenger measure and calculate standee area as 1.75 square feet.  But don’t get too comfy. All those old buses will be on the road for some years yet. If you want more room, you’ll have to take it off your waistline.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Bittman Live Chat, 2PM Tuesday, March 22nd

New York Times food columnist Mark Bittman will live chat with Grist’s Tom Philpot at 2:00 PM Eastern this afternoon. Questions welcome.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

Another Burrito-Related Shooting

A San Antonio Taco Bell customer, enraged that Beefy Crunch Burritos had gone up in price, fired an air gun at an employee and an assault rifle at police officers before barricading himself in a motel room.  After a three-hour Mexican-food standoff, a police SWAT team eventually subdued the suspect, Ricardo Jones, 37,  by using gas. Officers may have used jalapeño pepper gas.

Sarah Palin in India

Former Alaska Temp-Governor Sarah Palin recently addressed a dinner meeting of India’s top thinkers and celebrities at the India Today Conclave. India Today Editor-in-Chief Aroon Purie respectfully introduced Mrs. Palin as “the sexiest brand in Republican politics.” Intellectuals in the audience were delighted with her presentation, “My Vision of America,” as it was an object lesson in why India is overtaking the U.S.A. as a world power. Bollywood entertainment executives were likewise entranced, since political stand-up comedy is nowhere near that outrageous in South Asia.

Proven: The Terror Baby Menace!

 

At last, scientific vindication of the Terror Baby menace, the wave of pregnant terrorist tourists coming to our country and dropping their evil spawn amongst us to bomb us into oblivion. This threat to National Security was first brought to our attention by Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1) . Mr. Gohmert discovered this phenomenon through the actual chit-chat of an actual foreign woman during an actual overseas airline flight.

Now the Center for Immigration Studies, America’s most official-sounding xenophobic “think tank,” has released a scientific study, based on scientifically-selected editorials, which expresses Islamic Infant Terror Tourist Tactics in actual Arabic Numbers. It reveals that millions of fecund foreign females cross our borders to study and vacation in our fair land and, given their unAmerican high fertility rates, they undoubtedly eject infants before departing. Simple arithmatic shows that as many as 200,000 infant invaders can be be born here under the flimsy cover of legitimate tourist and student visas. These baby bombers can claim U.S. citizenship after a mere 21 years and dissappear amongst us to menace our precious malls and McDonald’s.