Fish Rustlers Go to the Hoosegow

A Washington, DC fish wholesaler has been found guilty of buying rockfish from a gang of rustlers. A co-owner and a fish buyer will go to the pokey, and the company has been fined $875,000. The DC bass bandits were collared last December. The rockfish (Morone saxatilis or Roccus saxatilis), also known as the striped bass, is the state fish of Maryland. It was overfished for decades, and harvesting is tightly controlled.

A posse has been roundin’ up rockfish rustlers for some time. Convictions were based on investigations by a special task force of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, Maryland Natural Resources Police, and the Virginia Marine Police between 2003 through 2007.

Acqua Alta

The art-infested Italian city of Venice got a good cleaning this weekend as the acqua alta high tide sloshed over ancient squares and into palazzo basements. Okay, if palazzos don’t have basements, where do they keep all that wine?

In areas of Venice that are under water, tourists and other pedestrians crowd together on narrow wooden walkways (passerelle). Water depth can range from 1 to 2 meters (about 3 feet, 3 3/5 inches to 6 feet, 6 7/10th inches). Good thing high-heeled boots are in fashion; there’s never a vacant gondola around when you need one.

Sociologist’s Totems

“The lyrics of contemporary popular song, of rock and rap and country, are the ones which reflect the immediacy of our world, much as theater songs did in the first half of the twentieth century. They are the sociologist’s totems.”

Who wrote that?

Robert Christgau? Simon Frith? Todd Gitlin? Peter Wicke? Robert Palmer? Lester Bangs? Paul Friedlander? R. Serge Denisoff? Greil Marcus?

Charlie Sheen’s Worst Transgression

In the great news famine that accompanies a National Holiday, we caught up on celebrity scandals and discovered the awful truth about actor Charlie Sheen’s rampage in a Manhattan hotel. Mr. Sheen did something much worse than rough up a rented porn star, abuse booze (and perhaps drugs), froth at the mouth, and get rushed to the hospital. He destroyed the Eloise Suite at the Plaza. If Mr. Sheen ever faces a jury with American women on it, the television star is a dead man.

Obama Pardons National Tofurky®

President Barack Obama has pardoned the 2010 National Thanksgiving Tofurky® in a ceremony in the Vegetable Garden on the South Lawn of the White House.

The mock-turkey vegetable roast will not be consumed by the First Family but will frolic with leftover arugula and endive from the presidential holiday meal in the Official White House Compost Heap.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

Oh no! Despite reading Turkey Torching Tips for Guys you have a great big, fully cooked, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey on your hands. You examine it minutely and discover there’s no little red zip tab to open so you can take out slices. What now?

That’s some big old avian cadaver you got there, buddy. There’s only one manly way to divvy it up. That’s right: chainsaw.

 

Turkey Torching Tips for Guys

 

The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio.

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers do help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Don’t bother with those electronic gizmos at Leading Edge; you can never read the LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. Make sure it is big enough to bother with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

Fresh. Local. Sustainable. Walmart.

Walmart has announced a local food initiative, pledging to carry more locally grown fresh produce and seafood in its stores. The company plans to increase sales of locally grown produce to $1 billion worth of food from 1 million small and medium-sized farms by 2015.

Groceries account for more than half of Walmart’s business; many of these products are packaged, processed, and imported. There are 40 Walmart food distribution centers in the U.S.A. The company’s Heritage Agriculture program will double the amount of fresh, locally sourced food in Walmart stores, especially in the East coast’s I-95 corridor, the Delta region of the South, and the Mid-America region.

Body Scanner Alternatives

Air travelers worldwide are protesting the use of full body scanners in airports, and they like TSA’s full-body pat-downs even less. Eternal vigilance is the price we pay in the battle against deadly exploding undergarments, and this public resistance doesn’t leave many alternatives. One of our readers suggested underwear check-in and compulsory use of security-compliant kilts by air travellers. We assume the airlines will charge extra for that.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Rapid Rubik’s

Australian teen Feliks Zemdegs just solved the Rubik’s Cube puzzle in 6.77 seconds, a new world’s record. The fleet-fingered 15 year old bested the old record, a pokey 7.08 seconds.

Okay, sports fans. Let’s go to the video: