Somebody give me a cheeseburger!
– Steve Miller, Living in the USA (1968)
Forget those Mickey Dee puny-pounders. There’s major news from the minor leagues. This season the West Michigan Whitecaps of Grand Rapids will offer the 4,800-calorie Fifth Third Burger to manlier meat-eaters. The ‘Caps play in a ballpark named after Fifth Third Bank so, as Michael Zuidema explains in the Grand Rapids Press, the burger’s builders balance five third-of-a-pound beef patties, five slices of American cheese, salsa, nacho cheese, Fritos, lettuce, tomato, and sour cream on a big bun. The jalapeño peppers are optional.
We do not know if the ballpark has public defibrillator stations.
Actually, each $20 sandwich is cut like a pizza, and can feed four wimps as well as one real American guy. Even that should give pause; the Fifth Third Burger weighs in at four pounds, 4,800 calories, 300 grams of fat, 744 milligrams, and 10,000 milligrams of sodium.
Dessert suggestion: deep-fried caramel apples, anyone?
It’s still Spring Training, so baseball fans who want to get into shape can watch video of a Fifth Third Burger being built. Ready? Play Ball!
Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com
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