At loose ends since the Kucinich presidential campaign? Eschew animal flesh? Like the Twin Cities? Will you need work after hanging at this summer’s Jam Band festivals? Do those head nods mean “yes?” Then the U.S. Department of Justice has a job for you! Be a Vegan Spy for the FBI!
The FBI needs young veggie agents hungry to infiltrate the heinous herbivorous hordes secretly planning demonstrations for the Republican National Convention in September. Who knows what those sly sandal-shod sneaks are up to?
You can help by infiltrating secret “Vegan Poltlucks” (shudder). Get fed, get paid, get laid to meet interesting young people! Just attend these confidential convivial cabals and confabs, keep your mouth full of fruit and your ears open, then, um, spill the beans to the friendly federales of the Joint Terrorism Task Force. What could be easier?
And if the GOP keeps the White House you might parlay this into a job. Don’t worry — they have vegetarian food in Washington, too.
Hat Tip: Wonkette
Bottom Image of Northern Spy apple, Penn State Department of Horticulture
Top Image by Mike Licht, omnivore. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com
