Papal Jet, Captain Alfonso Maria Pacini, flight coordinator.
NotionsCapital previews rumors behind the facts of the American visit of His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI.
Tuesday Morning. The Papal aircraft, a Boeing 777 named the Sestriere and the only Alitalia plane that is not losing money, will fly to the United States. It will be escorted by the A-10 Thunderbolt IIs of the USAF 23rd Fighter Group since they are based at Pope Air Force Base in North Carolina.
Thunderbolt Row, Pope AFB
Tuesday 4PM EDT. His Holiness arrives at Andrews Air Force Base, Maryland, a military airport near Washington, named after a famous vocal trio. As you read this, airmen at Andrews AFB are cleaning the Papal landing zone with toothbrushes and Marvis Jasmin Mint, said to be the Pope’s favorite toothpaste, as he is expected to smooch the tarmac upon landing.
At the last minute, Pope Benedict decided to carry the 2008 Olympic Torch on his visit to the East Coast of the United States “so the trip won’t be a total loss.” American altar boys who will assist His Holiness have been strictly forbidden from lighting candles with the torch. Questions about possible objections from Tibetan Buddhists and Chinese Muslims were met with a slightly elevated Papal eyebrow.
Wednesday 10 AM EDT. The Pope’s helicopter lands on White House lawn for photos. He will then meet privately to administer extreme unction to the Bush Presidency and explain that this sacrament won’t count much at the World Court in the Hague.
Wednesday Noon EDT. The Popemobile will drive from the White House to the Papal Residence on Massachusetts Avenue NW. The stately building has been quietly exorcised, since it faces the U.S. Vice Presidential Residence on Observatory Circle.
Wednesday Afternoon. After a Papal nap, his Holiness meets with the U.S. Conference of Bishops, whom he hopes to convert to Roman Catholicism. A polite man and an experienced diplomat, the Pope is expected to pretend he doesn’t notice the color scheme of Basilica of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception (shudder).
Thursday, 10:30 AM EDT. The Pope celebrates Mass with 47,000 of his closest friends at Nationals Park in Southwest Washington. Expect some truly moving designs on the electronic scoreboard. Fireworks by New York’s Grucci family will punctuate the liturgy. Dignified souvenirs will be available (look for my favorite, the Miraculous Coffee Mug).
Thursday 5:00 PM EDT. His Holiness meets with U.S. Catholic educators at Catholic University on Michigan Avenue, NE. The Pope will congratulate them on their basketball teams and exhort them to really do something about football this year.
Thursday 6:30 PM EDT. John Paul II Cultural Center, Harewood Road, NE. The Pope meets with leaders of other world religions for a spirited game of Contract Bridge. A few euros on the side makes it a little more, you know, interesting.
Friday Morning. His Holiness leaves Andrews AFB for New York City’s JFK Airport. Pope Benedict is said to have tickets to Cats.
For official but boring U.S. Roman Catholic Church details of the Papal visit to Washington, DC, click here. If you live in DC and want to grumble about how this interferes with your commute, click here for a map.
Image of the Olympic Torch in the Popemobile by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license. Credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com
