The Honorable George W. Bush
President of the United States of America
and the Green Zone of Baghdad
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500-0001
Dear President Bush:
Thank you for my “stimulus package.” It is very considerate of you to think of me when times are so bad that our country’s corporate CEOs can’t even afford weekends on Ibiza and must settle for Cabo San Lucas.
The money will be welcomed by the average American family, which has a $5,000 credit card debt and a house they can’t sell. Just between us, in all candor, if you expect me reciprocate by voting Republican in 2008 you are going to have to add a few more zeros to my check.
About my check: please pay me in Euros. I don’t mean to seem ungrateful, and I know supermodel Gisele Bundchen got in trouble for a similar request, but you globalized us. I’m eating fruit from Chile, wearing clothes made in Asia and Hungary and pecking this letter out on a Toshiba laptop full of parts from Korea, Malaysia, India and China. We don’t manufacture anything in the U.S. anymore except bad business deals.
With all due respect, sir, on January 20, 2000, the day you took office, an ounce of gold cost $288.10. Today it costs $926.40. Lucky for you that average Joes and Jills think gold just got real scarce and can’t comprehend that their wallets are stuffed with glorified gum wrappers.
Frankly sir, when you were awarded the Presidency I urged friends to sell all their securities, buy gold, and bury it in the backyard. I regret to say I neglected to take my own advice. One buddy did, but couldn’t recall exactly where in the yard he interred his investment. While he was renting a backhoe the bank foreclosed on his house.
What I’m trying to say, Mr. President, is that a few hundred bucks isn’t going to make a dent in a family’s credit card and mortgage debts, heath costs, and energy bills. Funny, isn’t it, how all those industries were “deregulated” by your party? No accounting for coincidences.
Well, thanks again for the lovely gift. Say hi to the family, and tell Barney to come for a walk here in Lincoln Park some evening. He’ll have to be quiet, though. Several families are sleeping on the benches.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
NotionsCapital.com
Images by Mike Licht. Please note: 20500-0001 is the President’s personal Zip Code. Sure makes your vanity license plate seem kind of insignificant, Bubba.
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